Why is Elena still on your site?

Dear Friend,

 

Without joking, I am asked this question at least once a week:

 

"Antoine,

I've been following your videos and your activity within the agency for several years now. Congratulations on your work!

For some time now I have been watching Elena ID12345's profile carefully, and I really like her.

I have a simple question: how is it possible that this beautiful person has not yet found you? Does she have a problem with too high requirements? What is her problem?

It seems to me that this type of woman should find something quickly.

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Thank you,

Jacques"

 

***

 

Note: replace Elena's profile ID12345 with a different woman in each letter.

As a rule, when I receive this kind of email, I look at Elena's profile to understand who it is.

I go to our site in the Profile section and type in the ID number shown.

I look at who Elena is...

Elena doesn't seem particularly well known to me.

 

At most, Elena has received 2 or 3 requests in the last 3 years.

 

So where does this completely false idea that haunts the brains of all these single men come from?

I propose to study what is going on in detail in this letter.

 

***

1/ Beauty is a subjective parameter.

If a woman seems incredibly beautiful to you, it may not be the case for the person next to you.

And this is very often the case.

When I receive this type of request, and I go to the profile of the woman in question, I am most often very surprised.

I ask myself: "What could be so special about this woman?

If this woman seems so beautiful and interesting to you, it's probably because she's a good match for you and not another man, so be a little more enterprising instead of imagining that she's beset by thousands of men.

The classic reasoning of the man with no experience with women is this:

This woman is beautiful, therefore she is very popular. If she is very popular, hundreds of men are interested in her. If hundreds of men are interested in her, then I don't stand a chance and she will find out quickly anyway.

It's not even worth trying, she'll find out in less time than it takes...

 

This reasoning is the common denominator of men who are totally inexperienced with women.

 

A man who is successful with women thinks differently.

And understand that wealth has nothing to do with the way you think.

Whether you are rich or poor, you have the choice to think one way or the other.

Don't come and tell me that you don't have any money, because that has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about here...

 

***

 

2/ how long can you stay single?

The initial question contains an interesting statement:

It seems to me that this type of woman should find a partner quickly.

Quickly?

What do we mean by quickly? 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, 2 years, 5 years?

After my divorce I spent 10 years looking for my wife Boryslava.

Is 10 years normal or not according to you?

Am I a special case or normal?

Is there a particular time scale to follow when you are single to find love?

And why should a woman you consider to be beautiful find love more quickly than another?

You might think that if she is beautiful then she gets tons of requests and therefore she will quickly choose.

In general, no, she doesn't get many requests, so this reasoning is biased from the start...

 

***

 

3/ I never get asked this question

Now let's have a laugh. I'll tell you a secret, I've never been asked this question:

 

"Antoine,

I've been following your videos and your work at the agency for several years now. Congratulations on your work!

For some time now I have been watching Svetlana ID12346's profile carefully. I don't find her very pretty, she is rather ugly and ordinary.

I have a simple question: how is it possible that this beautiful person who has nothing going for her found a man so quickly on your site? For the past 2 days, I can see that her profile is no longer available and I have deduced that she has met a man through your services.

It seems to me that this type of woman should take years to find a man.

I look forward to your clarification.

 

Thank you,

Bernard"

 

This letter from Bernard, which I never received, really makes me laugh. :-)

This is right in the middle of the cognitive biases that I love.

The reason I get letters from James and no letters from Bernard is that human beings are not machines.

We are imperfect and therefore have cognitive biases.

Jacques pays so much attention to Elena and not to Svetlana, because he thinks she is beautiful.

In fact, other women no longer exist, he does not pay attention to other women.

 

In conclusion, on what basis can he write that Elena has been on the site too long?

 

James has no benchmark or statistics to base his statement on as he doesn't even notice other women like Svetlana who he doesn't find pretty and who could potentially find a man quickly.

 

***

 

4/ Antoine, you are exaggerating, there is such a thing as beauty like a 10 girl!

One could indeed confront me a bit and retort that yes, after all, beautiful girls, hotties, do exist, especially in the category of Ukrainian women.

And there are such girls on our site too.

Yes, it's true, I don't deny it.

At the time of our association with our partner in Poltava, the director once told me, when we were waiting for a member to film in the city park, that she knew exactly what kind of merchandise she needed in her agency.

Yes, yes, that's exactly what she told me.

For her, good merchandise is a woman who will appeal to as many men as possible.

A woman who is going to be unanimous about her looks.

That's what she wants in her agency and nothing else.

And in reality the women of the Poltava agency are indeed very popular, in high demand among single men.

But there are several things you should know:

 

A/ this type of woman is not looking for a relationship

B/ this type of woman is looking to enjoy life, travel, discover the world

C/ this type of woman is very, very expensive to maintain

 

Rest assured, we do not have this type of woman on our site or at least we try not to target them as members.

We are not interested in them, because they are too much of a problem.

In other words, we are not looking for the same kind of merchandise that the director of Poltava is looking for for her agency.

The women on our site are approachable and looking for a relationship, at least that's what we looked for when we registered.

 

This is part of our selection criteria.

 

Lastly, do you think that film stars, models or starlets find a man more quickly than more ordinary women?

If you look at the celebrity magazines in the supermarket, you will discover the antics and extramarital affairs of all these beauties in demand.

Therefore, my answer to Jacques is the following:

 

***

 

5/ there is absolutely no relationship between a woman's subjective beauty and the speed with which she will find herself in a relationship.

The conclusion is simple.

If you make a link between a woman's beauty and her ability to be quickly in a relationship, you are very much mistaken.

 

You have the wrong way of thinking.

 

I would go even further.

If you think this way, it is probably one of the reasons why you are still single.

And you will remain so until you learn to think differently.

Your thoughts are limiting.

They block you in your celibacy.

Moreover, in 90% of the cases where James writes to me to tell me about his Elena, it turns out that the famous Elena has not received any contact requests in the last year and that she has even forgotten the existence of the CQMI agency...

 

And when I explain this to Jacques, he doesn't believe me.

 

The poor man is stuck in an imaginary world that doesn't exist, with thousands of men chasing after his beautiful Elena, who in fact seems unattainable.

This way of thinking is destructive...

 

I wish you a healthy weekend!

 

Antoine.